Families might be better off at Thanksgiving if we’d all eat some crow instead of turkey.
Two weeks ago I suggested that Garnett members prepare some “flocks and herds” like Jacob did when he returned to meet his brother. To translate to our cultural metaphor, “eat crow.”
Jacob had ripped off Esau’s deserved double portion of inheritance and blessing of the eldest brother. Esau was so furious that Jacob ran for his life and didn’t show his face in Edom for nearly two decades.
When he did return, he took his wives, servants, and children. And some of the servants went ahead with literally hundreds of herds and flocks to appease the anger of his brother Esau.
Jacob actually thought Esau would come out against him in battle, but Esau welcomed his brother with an embrace. At first Esau rejected Jacob’s restitution, but Jacob convinced him to accept, and they returned to Edom together.
Later God in Israel’s life would help them develop burnt, grain, fellowship, sin, and guilt offerings that placed emphasis on the treatment of neighbor (Leviticus 6:1-7). We often think of restitution only in legal terms, but it extends to relationships as well.
Restitution is the act of making right something that was wrong and adding some type of payment, often in excess of the victim’s loss, to make amends for an offense. A police officer once told me restitution is an important idea in law enforcement, and it certainly remains part of the United States justice system. Often called “punitive damages” today, restitution not only discourages the offender from doing it again but also sends a signal to witnesses to curb any desires of breaking the same law.
In the case of Jacob, he made restitution. Seeking forgiveness, Jacob gave a “moral gift” of flocks to his brother Esau. While some might feel shame from having sinned against a family member or embarrassing themselves years before, one benefit of this kind of public humiliation is that it’s already out there. It’s known in the family, and you don’t have to explain–instead, you can ask for forgiveness and offer some kind of restitution.
I don’t believe restitution must be a sentence or punishment. Restitution can be done voluntarily. I recently did some restitution to restore a relationship at Garnett Church. I bought a gift and wrote out a prayer as a way to help heal a heart I had wounded. This is not always easy to do, but I eat lots of crow throughout the year personally and professionally. As my friend Rubel Shelly says, “It’s not easy but after all, eating crow is fat free.” Seems to be part of the territory of being human.
What about you at Thanksgiving with family or friends? Do you have some herd gathering to do before you go?
One of my brothers was hurt by something my oldest brother said to him and as a result the response from his wife was that they would never speak to any of us again. And they didn’t for over a year. I couldn’t understand why they weren’t speaking to me. I had nothing to do with the offense. Eventually, I realized that the one offense was just the final straw. My brother’s wife had joined the family when we were all still grieving over the loss of our parents. The truth is, I never made any effort to welcome her. Once I realized my part, I reached out to her and appologized. The healing began. I am so blessed that my relationship with my brother and sister-in-law has been restored. That was the best tasting crow I’ve ever had.
Yes, that’s true, crow is not always bitter, is it? That story is refreshing to me this morning. Thank you so much for sharing that. Yesterday I asked the church staff, do you have something restorative or depleting to do over holidays? Some said a little of both. We’ll be going to my parents’ in Bartlesville and that is a restoring time. I’m praying for all Garnett families at they go to family gatherings that they will have times of restoration and forgiveness if needed. Thanks, Jo!